How Bout That:)

Hey Guys,
After the last email exchange,   Steph and I were able to discuss "my issues"  and apparantly she is ok with them.  She said she thought I had an anxiety attack and for the next time ( cause we all know there will be a life of next times)  just tell her in advance that I feel one coming on.
But since last posting, things have been great with her.  We spent the night together, at her place, and wow!!!   They werent lying about Brazillian women:)   Guess I didnt do too bad either.   I dont know what "Aye"  means exactly but she sure said it a lot.  I will take it as a good thing.
I do have one very interesting tidbit for  the men only (dont worry Brogan, I will tell you too) which can't be said in mixed company.  
Probably wont post for a while, kind of feels like my work is done here:) 

David

In fair response, she says:

Ok, so I just left you a VM and sent you a text. Can't blame me for trying to reach out and understand what complicated nightmare you had last night..

On Fri, Jan 14, 2011 at 6:38 AM, Stephanie Martins <stephanie.s.martins@gmail.com> wrote:

Wow, David....

The main reason we are not further into the relationship, in my opinion, is because we don't get to talk that much.  I've talked to you maybe 3 times on the phone and half the time the connection was bad. We've only seen each other twice.... I was even thinking about that yesterday.
I can see  you usually dive into your feelings, and I do too, but I just have to feel comfortable with you.  That takes being with your and talking to you more.

I am so sorry you feel that way.  I can tell you that life is full of good and bad experiences, and mine is no exception, but what makes a difference is one's outlook in life. I can assure you that I am not letting one simple jerk (another one) damage my life - never have and never will. 

Of course I want a serious relationship - I don't date for the sake of dating because, honestly speaking, I don't like wasting my time.  I would love to get to know you  better.
Is this your way of telling me that you will not be calling me any more? Does this mean that we are not meeting each other tonight? I am confused, please help me understand.

I will be in training all day today, from 8-12 and 1-5.  Tempted to call  you right now, because I don't think these topics are appropriate for phone conversations.
Please let me understand your intuition better - that is ,if you think I am worth a little bit more time. :)
Stephanie

Waited overnight then sent this email-- made me feel mucho better:)

Hi Stephanie, My intuitiion is telling me not to see you anymore.  It is telling me that I am heading down one path and that you down another.   I have ignored my intuition in the past to much regret. Maybe it's because you just had a bad experience with someone who used you, and now you are more guarded with your feelings, but I feel that I am way more into you than you are with me.  Dont get me wrong, I can tell that you like me and you think that I am a good guy (which is true), but I want someone who really wants to be with me   as much as I want to be with them.  I want someone who is ready for a serious relationship not someone to hang around with. My heart actually hurts writing this to you but not as much as it would if I waited for a month or 2 then have you tell me that you have the kind of feelings I am starting to have for you but only that you have them for someone else.   And that is what my intuition is telling me is going to happen.   David

Feelin a bit irritated

Because,  I canceled my Match acct over a week ago and Miss Brazil has not done likewise.  I havent asked her to do so and yes she knows that I have,  She did comment that I didnt have to do that.  I replied that I felt that staying online when I  am interested in a woman is only giving opportunity for distraction.  Basically, I really like her and I dont want to keep looking.
This could be cause for concern.  Supposed to go on date Friday night but  I kind of feel like bailing out.  Hmmm- but if I do go out with her there is a good chance I will bring up the issue- could make  for a confrontation.
Pride kind of hurts.
Brogan is right, Maybe I should go out with  ugly girls-- they need love too right?

Weds Morning

I guess the "cloudy" refers to why I broke up with before.  I cant really seem to find something real or tangible to pin it on--Ok  but I do know what I do and yes I do know why I do it-- Just have to find a way of stopping it.
Date Status:  Going to spend the day with Stephanie ( smoking hot Brazilian girl:)   in the city.  And hopefully the evening back at her place-  My room is not the place for a 1st encounter.   
Work status:  Much better this week.    Boss lady is a b...  but she is quite pretty== so i guess it balances out.

Well, well, well...

Sunday night. and 2 dates later with Stephanie.   Going exceptionally well.  Trying to look back to remember the mistakes I made but everything else seems so cloudy now.  Ok-- so yes I know that I will find something   but will I be able to overlook the small imperfection or use it to blow the whole thing out of the water.  I guess we shall see...
Anyway, lets talk a bit about work.  Interesting lot  but very high strung.. Lots of people on edge.  No lie,  these folks fuss over 1 MM,  and they call the doc over nothing.  There is a lot of disention here.   Stressful to say the least.  Kind of like KP portland was when I started there 2 years ago:)   Might take longer than 2 years  to get this place straightened out.

1st Bay Area Date

Well, here I am on the eve of my 1st date in SF.  I took Brogans/Nikki's advice and am tryin not to set my expectations too high.   Probably wont work though cause I kinda already like this girl.  Is that possible even though I havent even actually met her yet?   I have talked to her several times, numerous texts (the non sevual variety) and emails. 
 So  get to the details,  right?  If you want to see what she looks like- she is on my facebook friend section.  Her name is Stephanie (and no not my daughter!)  --  I will post a bit more after Friday night.

Later,

Dave